Why Do We Have Feelings?

To at least some extent, our mental health depends on the appropriateness of our emotional reactions and our ability to process, contain, and express them. Mental health problems, to some degree, can be categorized into difficulties with too much or little emotion(s).

I tend to think of emotions as signals which try to motivate us to behave in ways which are often helpful to our survival and wellbeing...at least when they function properly.

Emotions motivate and organize us to take action. Frustration, for example, provides us the fuel to set boundaries on others.

Emotions also communicate to others in non-verbal and powerful ways. If you were to tell someone you are 'fine' when you are clearly not, the other will believe your demeanor over your words.

Emotions sometimes function as a 'way of knowing', communicating to us from within, via 'gut feelings' and 'intuition'. If someone makes the 'hair on the back of your neck stand up', you should probably heed this warning, even if you cannot yet put it into words.

Each of the primary, i.e. basic, emotions fires under a unique set of circumstances and 'wants' us to behave in characteristic ways:

Emotion	Triggers	Action Urges
Fear	Threats to life, health, or wellbeing	Fight, flee, freeze, or fawn depending on the nature of the danger
Anger	The blocking of an important or desired goal or activity; attacks to self or loved ones, threats or insults, threats to the integrity or status of one's social group; loss of power, status, or respect; pain	Attack, intimidate, threaten, advocate or otherwise stand up for self or loved one
Disgust	Poison, pathogens, unwanted physical closeness, or social disapproval of damaging or offensive individuals or groups	Vomiting, spitting out, covering orifices, avoiding
Envy	A painful lack of something someone else has	Obtain what is missing, working harder, downplaying or ruining what the other has, trying to 'show up' the other, avoidance of the envied other
Jealousy	A third party intrudes upon or otherwise threatens a valued relationship between you and a valued other, such as by replacing or outcompeting the self	Violence or threats toward the intruding third party; possessive, spying, or controlling behavior toward the second party; accusations of disloyalty; clinginess; collecting evidence of wrongdoing; increased demonstrations of love toward the second party
Happiness/joy	Pleasant surprises, exceeded expectations, success, receiving praise, being liked/loved/accepted, pleasurable experiences or sensations	Sharing happiness with others, functioning at a higher level
Love	Another person, animal, etc. enhances one's quality of life or increases one's chances of goal attainment; affiliation with another who provides fulfillment of wants and needs; affiliation with an admired other	Verbal and other behavioral expressions of loving feelings; sharing time and experiences with the love object
Sadness	Losing something or someone in a significant or permanent way. Life not being how one expected.	Avoidance, inactivity, grief-related expressions and responses
Shame	Rejection by a person or group if personal characteristics are revealed publicly; disapproving or invalidating responses from others	Hiding the behavior or characteristic attracting disapproval; avoiding disapproving others; social withdrawal; groveling or appeasement to restore esteem from others; changing the behavior or characteristic to better conform
Guilt	Violating one's personal values or moral code, such as by harming or offending others	Apologize, confess, repair, ask for forgiveness to restore relationship(s), changing future behavior to avoid repeating the transgression

To the extent the emotions are justified, i.e. reflect the facts of reality, acting on the emotion will typically be relieving and problem-solving. One cannot fully grieve and reach a 'new normal' without digesting the sadness following a loss. One may not be able to retain loved ones without expressions of love and gratitude. We cannot cooperate with and remain a part of important groups without following their social norms, or at least advocating to change them, if they are inappropriate. Irritating behaviors may not stop unless we set a limit or propose a consequence.

At least some of the struggles for which a person seeks a therapist involve the failure to identify, experience, understand, and express, and take appropriate action based on emotional signals.

From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, by Marsha M. Linehan.